Today, I quit smoking. Again.
The last time I quit, almost 3 years ago, I got a tattoo to celebrate. This time I’m doing it because I shouldn’t have ever gone back to being a smoker.
But I did go back to it. I became a full-time, pack-a-day smoker early last month. I had been a part-time, pack-a-week, social smoker for about 6 months until the end of February. That’s when I stopped going to Rapture regularly and so didn’t have a place to smoke anymore. It was shortly after that I found myself making excuses to visit Rapture - not to take a shift or even a session - just to bullshit with the girls and smoke.
After realizing this in the beginning of April, I decided to go with it and just be a real smoker again for a little while until I could get the courage up to quit again. Daddy said I had one week. I managed to stretch that week into just over a month but like all good things, this too had to come to an end sometime, and now was probably better than later.
Of course, as I sit here, going thru withdrawal, I can’t remember why I ever wanted to quit. I can only think about the feel of that light grey smoke filling my lungs as I deeply inhale, my lips wrapped around the end of the long white cigarette, my eyes squinted almost-shut but watching the cherry glow from my inhale, the skin of my fingers picking up the rich, full scent of the nicotine so that, in the hours to come, I’ll bring them to my nose over and over again remembering this moment and yearning for another just like it … Le sigh… It’s times like these that I feel pity and compassion for all addicts. It’s times like this that I can plainly admit I am one. I hate this.Â
Sheer willpower is the ONLY thing keeping me from defying my Daddy and my own promise to myself. Sometimes - most times - it doesn’t feel like I’m strong enough to do it. I wish I believed in god. Then I could recite that serenity prayer at least. As it is, I’m just trying to get thru until tomorrow without cracking. Please wish me luck, and more importantly, send me helpful tips!
Have I mentioned this sucks yet? Well, it does and I’m a very cranky Tatsumi. Roar 
Chantix. ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Varenicline ) My mother smoked 2.5 packs a day for 45 years, and had tried everything. It was created by a doctor who had smoked himself. Its fairly expensive but everyone who has tried it seems to sing its praises.
I have also heard that brushing your teeth a lot, and things cinnamon flavored will help.
Best of luck to you, you’re far braver than I.
Le suck.
And good luck.
:-X
I kicked a two pack a day ten year addiction.
If you’ve kicked it before you can again…I believe in you, too
Remember to drink lots of water.
Oh, and getting together with friends is a great way to help distract yourself from wanting cigarettes.
Hint hint.
hey beautiful,
i understand right where you are. i never smoked but ive quit a lot of other things in my life that we can talk about if you like.
some things that help me and have helped me at difficult times are:
stay away from it. smelling it, seeing it, watching other people do it doesnt help, it makes it worse. and that includes on tv, in movies and advertisemnts. if theres any youre hoarding that you “forgot” about, get rid of them. completely get rid of them, when cravings are bad, its too easy to just pull them out of the trash. and try not to stare at them in the store.
when you want one, really focus on the worst theyve ever made you feel. that works for me big time. if i focus on what i loved about something, i just want it more.
though you can be committed to giving something up, you dont have to tell yourself - im never going to do that again. never sounds really fucking long when you want something. you dont have to beat yourself up with it. focusing on not doing it today is enough. its much easier to say - im not gonna do that today. and each day if you can commit to not doing it just for that day, that works out;)
i dont know what i think about god but i use the serenity prayer anyway. its the only prayer like thing i do, the idea of praying squicks me big time. i replace the god part with whatever feels like a bigger force than myself. sometimes i just think about the universe. its big. bigger and more powerful than me. and whatever is out there, theres energy at least - we know that. so sometimes i just think the serenity prayer at whatever makes the world exist.
be nice to yourself, talk to people, talk about how you feel, dont isolate, be gentle with yourself if you get upset, sometimes giving something up makes my insecurities freak out. they dont have anything to focus on. dont be afraid to ask for help when you feel shakey. and keep writing.
if you smoke, dont beat yourself up. it doent mean you failed and you should just give up. just keep moving forward. if you were dieting and you ate one thing you werent supposed to, it wouldnt be a reason to just go nuts and pig out. same principle.
let other people be nice to you. ask for what you need. find girls who will come up with ways to distract you;)
seriously im around by phone almost all the time. so call.
xo
Masochist? Perhaps not. The problem could be that you’re an oral person whos is drawn to smoking(forgive the cliche) like a moth to a flame. Smoking pervides you(at a high cost) with oral grattification. As they say in a twelve step program: One day at a time.” Don’t beat yourself up today for the mistake you made yesterday.
PS Did you get my two tributes?
One after thought:
Judging from your recent webcam photos you seem to be in a positive mood. I detect no pensive mood or troubled brow. The fact that you quit smoking is more again is more important than the fact that you earlier had reengaged this filthy habit. You might backslide, this is just you being human but once you realize that you’re the boss of yourself the problem will abate!
I know you can do it!
Quitting smoking is hot! Good luck beautiful Goddess T!
You’re already smoking. You don’t need cigarettes.
:grins: gotta agree with Jefferson!
On a serious note, you can try chewing gum, or suckers or anything to help with the oral fixation part. Other than that, take it a day at a time. Good luck!